Out of the game: origins

A bit of the story of how this song came into being.

In early January 2002, my friend Shaun died suddenly. We'd first met in 1994, and he'd quickly become one of my "best people".

The original version of this song came to me in the aftermath of Shaun's death. I remember being on a platform at the old St Pancras station, by myself, some time between his death and the funeral, singing bits of it when it was only partly written.

In 2008, the song came to the forefront of my mind again when poet & craftsman Andy Postman died.

Andy was married to my friend Dee. I felt the loss, but I felt the waves of Dee's much greater loss more than the ripples of my own. So when I was going around singing the song to myself & thinking of Andy, in its original version which was more specific to me and Shaun, it didn't entirely fit.

A digression about songwriting

In general, I like my songs to fit multiple lives and events. I like to write so that a lot of different people could sing along and it would be just as true for them. E.g. I don't like to write things like "I drove my Chevy" because, you know, what if the person singing along to it doesn't drive a Chevy? or doesn't even drive!

When I'm the person singing along, I always like to get to the bits where the song words are true for me, and I find the intrusion of other people's Chevys slightly unsatisfactory.

That doesn't mean I won't be specific where the subject warrants it. I've got songs which would be true for some people and not in the same way for others. But the point is I like the words to set out the essence of the situation, not arbitrary details. The inclusion or deletion of a particular phrase can narrow or widen the category of people for whom the song's all true, and that's one of my criteria for what gets in.

Back to this song in particular

After Andy died, I rewrote some bits of Out of the game - partly just to make it better, but also to home in more on the essence of what it's like after someone dies. I began to imagine playing it live, and people hearing it who were grieving for friends and partners I didn't even know. So then it became about anyone who leaves a gap in your life, not only one of your best closest people.

In July 2011, I heard of the death of Kay Dekker. (I'm writing a separate post on my other blog with more thoughts about Kay himself.)

As regular readers will know, speedy recording of my songs has historically not been one of my strengths :-) Before Kay's death, I hadn't yet done a version of this song that was meant for release. So I wanted to name Kay here too, even though it isn't a song that I wrote about him originally. I was thinking of him as I sang it this time, and of other people grieving for him.

But really it's for anyone grieving for anyone, now and in the future. Hope it helps.

(If no playback button appears, you can still play the song back from its Bandcamp page.)